Christmas seems to be winding down

Yeah!
Boo hoo...
I can't make up my mind.
I have never been more tired. The shopping before Christmas nearly did me in.
The flood in our basement on Christmas Eve was the clincher.
We went to 6 family Christmas parties and still have gifts under our tree to deliver. There are toys in every inch of my house and C.J. can not decide what he wants to play with -- no, seriously, he's running between toys. I think he may blow a gasket on his birthday -- it's only 3 weeks away!
I think I should start shopping now for next year -- I've heard of people doing this and thought they were loony; now I join them. The ranks of those who are determined to finish their shopping by December 1st. Dare to dream, Laur. Dare to dream.

My Roller Coaster

I started this blog for fun. A time to sit down and laugh about the funny things that happen day to day with my kids. It is for that reason that I have not followed through -- because, at the moment, my life is not very funny. There are many moments to cherish. Absolutely. But there is also a lot of heartache.

This is when most people tune out. Who wants to read a wah, wah, wah confession. Seriously, I would probably click off too. I don't blame you...

I have a baby with special needs. I will add the compulsory preface of: "He's lovely. He's wonderful. He's brought so much joy to our family". And he has. Most definitely.

But there is also the pain of watching your child struggle. There is the sadness of a dream, the dream that your children will always be succesful. That they will not have to deal with the everyday hardships of life, nevermind any other exceptional challenges.

Until now, I have avoided this. I have felt guilty about admitting my pain. I will be scolded, no doubt. I will be chastised. I'm willing to risk it for the honesty that comes with true growth.

I have a baby with special needs... And this is my journey.

It's audition time again...

So, I'm planning on braving yet another audition. I feel sick to my stomach and promise myself that I will never, ever make myself go through that again. And yet I do. Because I can't help myself. I'm addicted. There, I've said it. I'm completely addicted to the thrill of perfecting a song, learning new choreography and then performing for an audience. The hours are crazy and I am exhausted by the time the show opens. Despite all this, I love it. I really wish I didn't. I think it would be so much easier to have a hobby like sketching or roller blading.
On top of it all, I wonder if I have enough time to take on another show. With K's new job, C.J.'s fall schedule and bumble B's physio I barely have time to make a decent dinner. But, I really, really need something for me -- is this it???

A comment well taken

I was just sent the link for the St. Anne's Spa and noticed Jim's blog http://www.steannes.blogspot.com
Here is the quote that beats all: take the time and invest in the materials to build a good foundation and the tougher parts of life will come easier.
Of course I've heard this before. In fact, I used to give this advice when I was an addiction counsellor.
Lately, everything in life seems out of perspective and I've wondering how to find a way to perservere optimistically.
Here's where I dish: Little B. has special needs. His little muscles don't work the way he needs them to and we've been spending countless hours with doctors and physiotherapists trying to help him get stronger -- and it's taking a really, really long time. So long, in fact, that I often feel discouraged and unclear as to whether my efforts will be succesful.
Thanks Jim for your quote. I'm helping him build his foundation and I know the time that we put in now will only help his entire future. And he's SUCH a little cutie!

What the??

Nap time -- ideally, you read stories to your children, have a cup of water, tuck them in.
Me -- helping C.J. deal with a bleeding nose while B gags himself and vomits all over his bedding, himself and his sleeping bag. What the???

After spending the evening with us, my mom said: "No wonder you need to get your hair coloured" -- on the money, mom. You're so on the money.

Popular Theatre

Ever heard of it?
I'm taking a popular theatre course this weekend and I'm really psyched. Okay, so a whole weekend surrounded by intelligent and creative adults TOTALLY turns me on but I'm really, truly excited about getting my brain to think again -- okay, so Barney & Hip Hop Harry just doesn't challenge -- sorry.
If you haven't heard of it, popular theatre was the brainchild of Augusto Boal and is a way of using theatre to encite community & personal change, promote healing, etc.
I'm hoping it will give me some answers... Is the time right to get back on track and use all my theatre training for social good or should I keep on performing locally?
The big question is: do I have the energy?
Since having the kids, my passion is coffee & reality television. There has to be MORE!!!

Hmmm... this is hard work

Any tips on keeping up with blogging? I have all these great ideas but never seem to have enough time to make it happen.
I'd like to say that my two bambinos keep me hopping but that's just crap, isn't it? I was watching Oprah (uh huh, I watch Oprah -- in fact, I PVR Oprah -- there, I've said it; I'm an Oprah junky); anyway, I was watching a PVR'd Oprah from last week and there was a stay at home mom (5 kids... omg) who had her songs picked up and recorded by Faith Hill. So, seriously, if she can accomplish that with 2.5 times the kids that I have, then what am I complaining about. Seriously...
What should I do to make this blog better???
I'm okay with your comments -- seriously, I'm not sensitive about it. Just tell me; I want to know :)